Disaster Holiday LoZ style
by ClarkyGirl
Summary: "We have all seen disaster holidays on TV. Write a letter to a travel company in which you are trying to persuade them to pay you compensation for your unsatisfactory holiday." I wonder...what if we threw Twilight Princes into the mix?


_**Ok, was revising for english lang. and this question came up. I couldn't resist doing a Fyer Resort thing. Do enjoy my rant. **_

_**Also, as exams are in less than two months, I'm completely bogged down in revision. I also have a duet to record in the next four weeks so…wish me luck…TT^TT**_

_We have all seen disaster holidays on TV. Write a letter to a travel company in which you are trying to persuade them to pay you compensation for your unsatisfactory holiday. _

Dear Mr Fyer,

I am writing to inform you of the extremely unsatisfactory holiday I have had the misfortune to attend. And quite frankly I feel entitled to some compensation for my terrible ordeal.

Your company assured me that the Lake Hylia stay was guaranteed to be stress-free and enjoyable. The deal consisted of five star accommodations in a highly praised hotel just upriver from the main lake. While I may be foreign, I am quite certain that a rundown shack perched precariously over a fast flowing river comes under the title of five-star. The hotel owner was miserly and angry, offering the bare minimum that bordered on the laws of human rights. The shack itself wobbled dangerously when even the slightest breeze whistled through its drafty walls. The rom, I digress was well lit, but only because the planks in the walls so poorly arranged that they left gaping holes in some areas. The windows were so grimy, I could draw in them, as if they were condensation on a cold mirror. The bed was little more than a few rushes and threadbare blankets. I'm quite sure that my pillow was home to more than a few mice. When I tried to request better sleeping quarters, I was treated to a fair tongue-lashing by your subordinate. The hotel's food was acceptable, but plain. I was treated to the same fish stew my entire stay. The waitress however, was so incompetent that by the time the stew reached my table, half of it was on the floor. The girl even had the cheek to glare at me as _I'm _somehow responsible for her inability to serve a simple plate of stew.

But my problems were not confined to the hotel, they extended to the so-called entertainment of the area. When I signed up for your Flight-by-fowl excursion, I expected a civilised ride possibly involving some tea and biscuits. What I did not expect was to be thrown off a cliff with nothing but a chicken between me and unforgiving lake bed (for of course the route was situated over the shallowest part of the lake). When I demanded my money back after having been rescued by a pair of local residents, I was treated to a chicken to the face. Meaning I had a rather angry flapping bird thrust in my face. The scratched still have yet to heal. My transport to reach this centre is even more unspeakable. To be fired out of a canon and into a solid cliff face is surely a breach of human rights. I fear my nose may have been permanently squashed. I shall be forever haunted by the music which you played so cheerfully as I was catapulted, screaming like a banshee, into the sky as if I were some human cannonball.

But bodily harm is not the only thing I had the serious misfortune to experience at your 'resort'. On attending the lake spring excursion, I at least expected a nice long soak in a warm hot spring to soothe my aching bones (thanks to the terrible sleeping arrangements of the hotel I might add). But instead, I am taken to a dank cave in the side of a cliff. The spring water was as cold as ice and I was scolded by the guide for even trying to take a dip in the water. The icing on the cake was when we tried to speak to this so-called spirit of the lake. A water snake slithered up to us and bit my ankle. Now the locals seem to think me cursed by the gods and refuse to speak to me. I cannot even enter the village.

In fact, the only credible feature of the entire stay was Hena's fishing spot. Yet even that resulted in my being getting attacked by a parrot for "eyeing up her owner". As if I, a respectable citizen would do such a thing. Furthermore the price for bait was ludicrous and I did not catch a single morsel.

I cannot believe I was made to pay such a ludicrous price for such a terrible ordeal. I demand a full refund and compensation for my considerable bodily harm. I pray that I never experience such neglect ever again on any stay in any country. Goddesses forbid I ever experience something even remotely close to this. For their maker will surely feel the bite of my blade.

Yours

Link

p.s. if your resoloute in not paying compensation then I shall take matters into my own capable hands. The last person to give me such a treatment was Zant and remember where he ended up…


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